Our 40-week pregnancies give us lots of time to prepare for the intense experience of birth and the earth-rocking changes that come with a new baby. Here are some of the best ways to plan for your little one's big arrival.
Learn about the birth process
The prospect of giving birth can be daunting, and you may be tempted to put it all out of your mind until it happens. But Glade Curtis, obstetrician and author of Your Baby's First Year: Week by Week, advises against this. "In my experience, women who learn about birth ahead of time are more active participants in their own birth process, which leads to better outcomes," he says.
Consider taking a birth class, in which you can learn about the stages of labor, options for pain management, breathing techniques, and medical equipment that may be used during your delivery. Class offerings vary, so survey the options in your community to find the one that most appeals to you. It's a good idea to start looking into classes mid-pregnancy to make sure you get one you like – and have time to take it!The prospect of giving birth can be daunting, and you may be tempted to put it all out of your mind until it happens. But Glade Curtis, obstetrician and author of Your Baby's First Year: Week by Week, advises against this. "In my experience, women who learn about birth ahead of time are more active participants in their own birth process, which leads to better outcomes," he says.
One caveat, however: While learning about the ins and outs of delivering a baby is important preparation, it doesn't give you ultimate control over your own labor.You can also learn about birth by watching videos from our library of real-life deliveries, including natural birth, water birth, birth with an epidural, c-section birth, and more.
"There are so many twists and turns that labor can take, and no one can predict how it will go," says Dianne Randall, a childbirth and lactation educator at Sharpe Mary Birch Hospital for Women and Newborns in San Diego. "The more you understand and accept the unpredictability, the lovelier your birth can be."
Instead of focusing on "the perfect birth," build your knowledge of different labor outcomes and decide how you'd want to deal with the various possibilities. You can use our birth plan worksheet to learn about your options for labor positions, pain medication, how your baby is cared for after delivery, and more.
Find a doctor for your baby
The best time to start looking for a pediatrician or family doctor for your baby is midway through your pregnancy. That may seem early, but you'll want to give yourself plenty of time to find a physician who will be a good fit for your family – and who accepts your insurance and is taking new patients.
"Friends and neighbors are good sources for referrals," says Mary Lou Light, a mother and baby nurse at Central DuPage Hospital in Illinois. For more tips, see our article on choosing a doctor for your baby.
Talk to your health insurance company to find out how to add your baby to your policy and to see which local doctors are covered. Make sure you also know how your benefits work for labor, delivery, and maternity care – see which questions to ask your insurer.
Get on the same page with your partner
Just as you should talk about how your partner can help you during labor, make sure to discuss what you'll need from each other during the newborn period. Differing expectations can create big conflicts, so it's best to work this out ahead of time.
Don't assume that your partner knows how much your new baby will turn your lives upside-down – or how you'll need him to help. He may be expecting to keep up with his regular gym visits or weekly poker nights, for example, while you're thinking he'll be on the couch most evenings holding the baby so you can get a break.
Talk about how you'll divide baby and household duties. And educate your partner about less obvious things, like how he can support you in breastfeeding.
You can also make life easier by hashing out some big decisions now, like what to name your baby, whether to circumcise, how you'll feed your baby, and whether to have a religious ceremony (such as a baptism or baby naming).
Talk to veteran moms about birth and baby care
There are all kinds of things about childbirth and infant care that, for whatever reason, remain under wraps – leaking pee, the baby blues, and diminished sex drive, to name a few.
Not every experience will happen to every mother, but becoming informed ahead of time can reduce the shock factor. So ask your mom friends for the dirt. "For example, there's a myth that bonding should happen right away. That's not true for everyone," says Patricia O'Laughlin, a marriage and family therapist at Center for the Psychology of Women in Los Angeles. "Finding honest people who are willing to share their experiences can help you adjust your expectations."
But be judicious! If a friend starts rambling on about her third cousin's rare-but-terrifying labor complication, gently put a stop to it and ask for some helpful suggestions on diaper brands instead. Try the BabyCenter birth clubs for great advice from women in all stages of pregnancy and childrearing.
Prepare older siblings – and pets
The new baby may rock your older children's world even more than yours. Fortunately, your family has several months to get used to the idea – and there are things you can do to help set the stage for a new brother or sister.
Many parents use a baby doll to help their child understand what's coming. Older toddlers or preschoolers will enjoy the pretend play – and when they see you diapering or feeding the new baby later, it will seem familiar.
Some hospitals have sibling classes, where older kids can learn about babies – why they cry, how to keep them safe, why they sleep so much. "Kids really love this. It makes them feel part of the family," says childbirth educator Randall.
As your due date approaches, make sure you've lined up someone to care for your children during the birth and afterward.
And when your older child sees you for the first time after delivery, put your baby down in the bassinet and open your arms wide to greet the big brother or sister. Says Randall: "This will help him understand that he's still just as important as he always was."
Pets also benefit from special pre-baby preparation. Local trainers may offer classes, or you can turn to books, articles, or videos for tips on teaching your pet – and eventually your baby – how to respect each other. You can start with our expert answer on getting your pet ready for a new baby. And consider whether you'll need to make arrangements with a pet sitter or dog walker for when you're away from home.
Line up help for after the birth
In those first postpartum weeks, extra help is essential. "Moms who get help will be better equipped to help their babies – which is infinitely more valuable than trying to be some superhero mom who does it all herself," says O'Laughlin, the marriage and family therapist.
If you're lucky enough to have a relative who can help you, consider having a sit-down before the baby arrives to discuss specifics. "Talking about it ahead of time can save a lot of headache," says Randall, the childbirth educator. Grandma may want swoop in and take care of that cute bundle of joy – but Randall says it's more important for the parents to figure out baby care together.
So where does that leave the grandmas? "They should focus on the nest rather than the baby," she says. "This means laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and errands." Of course, not all potential helpers will be open to this. But many genuinely want to help you in the best way possible and will appreciate hearing exactly what you need.
You can also hire help, in the form of a postpartum doula, a night nanny, or a cleaning service. "I'm a clean freak, so I saved up for months and paid for a cleaning service to come in every week for the first eight weeks following my baby's birth. It was wonderful," says mom Ali Bergstrom.
Another service to consider: babysitting for your older children so you can rest. "Prolonged sleep deprivation can lead to anxiety or depression for some people, so it's crucial to get sleep when you can," says O'Laughlin.
A well-timed babysitter can ensure you get that precious hour of snooze. "I arranged to have family and friends take the older kids to the park and the zoo and out for pizza," says Bergstrom. "They really enjoyed these special outings."
Know what to do when labor starts
Long before the first contractions hit, you'll want a firm plan for who to call, where to go, and when.
Your doctor or midwife should give you a clear set of guidelines on what to do when you go into labor, like when to call and when to head for the hospital or birth center. Decide who will take you there, and have a few back-up folks lined up to help if you need it. Know the route you'll take – this may sound silly, but it will be one fewer thing to think about. This includes learning where to park and which entrance to use when it's time to check yourself in.
You can get a handle on these logistics by taking a tour of your hospital or birth center. On the tour, you'll also learn about basic policies and see the labor rooms and nursery.
If you can, register for the delivery ahead of time and get the paperwork out of the way. When labor rolls around, you'll be able to bypass the bureaucracy and breeze – er, waddle – right in.
Decide who will attend the birth
This is a very personal decision. Some moms like a full room, with their partner, a doula, a friend or two, their mom, and even their mother-in-law present to witness the miracle and provide support. (If you fall into this category, check with the hospital or birthing center to see how many people are allowed).
Others prefer as few people present as possible. Give some thought to what you want, so that there are no misunderstandings, unwelcome observers, or offended grandmothers.
It can also be helpful to designate a "family spokesperson" ahead of time – that is, someone who can send emails and make phone calls (or spread the news on social networking sites) to let everyone know about your cutie's debut. Your partner may enjoy this role, but it can also go to a friend or relative.
Finally, remember that labor can be bone-tiring, and visitors popping in at all hours of your hospital stay may not make for the most restful experience. Mary Lou Light, the mother and baby nurse, recommends that you limit hospital visitors – and if it starts to get overwhelming, ask a nurse to act as bouncer.
"I've seen many moms who want to sleep or breastfeed, but they feel impolite asking the visitors to leave. We nurses do it for them," says Light.
Pack your bag
The last thing you'll want to worry about when labor starts is whether you have a toothbrush packed. Ease your mind by getting your bag together a few weeks before your due date. Refer to our comprehensive packing list for the hospital or birth center or, if you know you're having a c-section, our more specific c-section list.
In addition to the essentials, think about personal items that can make your hospital stay more comfortable. "I bought nice slippers so I could feel good walking around the hospital, and I also brought my own pillow," says Rachel Scott, who has eight children.
Stock up on the essentials (but don't go overboard)
A new baby requires an installed car seat, diapers, wipes, some clothing, and a safe place to sleep. Add bottles if you're bottle feeding, formula if you're formula feeding, and nursing bras and pads if you're breastfeeding (though some nursing moms do just fine without them).
Beyond that, "the essentials" vary widely depending on the person. For ideas, check out our more extensive list of newborn necessities.
Don't feel pressured to have every baby product you'll ever need ready to go. You can wait on some items, and getting preoccupied with having all the right stuff can detract from more important emotional preparations. Talk to mom friends or other BabyCenter momsabout which items they really found useful, and don't worry about the rest.
One final idea: Stock up on household must-haves before the birth to avoid trips to the store afterward. Pantry staples, frozen food, toiletries, medicine, toilet paper, shampoo – even extra pairs of underwear! – come in very handy.
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