Disrespectful Behavior

Disrespectful Behavior

Disrespectful behavior can frustrate even the calmest of parents. If it’s not addressed appropriately, disrespect can get worse through the years. The way you respond to behaviors such as talking back, inappropriate language, and attitude problems will discourage your child from doing it again.

Making faces, rolling her eyes, or saying, "Whatever Mom!" are just a few of the behaviors you might see from a mildly disrespectful child. On the more serious end of the spectrum, disrespectful children tend to swear, call people names, and become physically aggressive.

No matter where your child falls on the spectrum, it's important to address disrespectful behavior fast. The research is clear - disrespectful children turn into disrespectful adults.

Don't excuse disrespect by saying things like, "Well kids will be kids." Offering excuses only allows your child's rude behavior to continue.

Instead, step in and teach your child more socially appropriate ways to interact with others. Here are the most effective discipline techniques to curb disrespectful behavior fast:

1. Ignore Attention Seeking Behavior

Ignoring mild misbehavior can sometimes be one of the most effective negative consequences. That doesn't mean you're going to let your child get away with acting out, however. But it does mean you aren't going to give your child negative attention.

If you tell your child to clean his room, and he rolls his eyes, don't engage in a lengthy argument over his disrespectful behavior. Each minute you spend engaged in a power struggle is 60 seconds he'll put off cleaning his room. Paying too much attention to mild disrespect can backfire and lead to even bigger behavior problems.

Place the emphasis on the positive behavior by pointing out respectful behavior. Praise your child for behaving respectfully by saying things like, “Thanks for getting ready for dinner with such a good attitude.”

If you decide to have a conversation with your child about his disrespect, do so when you're calm.

Point out the problematic behavior by saying something such as, “When I told you to clean your room today you rolled your eyes at me. That’s disrespectful.” Explain the natural consequences for disrespectful behavior such as, “Disrespectful children often have trouble making friends."

2. Grandma’s Rule of Discipline

Grandma’s rule can be a great way to curb disrespectful behavior fast. Make it clear that your child will earn more privileges by behaving in a respectful manner.

Say something such as, “When you lower your voice and talk calmly, I’ll answer you,” or “I’ll help you pick up the toys when you stop being bossy.” Teach your child that polite and kind behavior will lead to positive results.

3. Use An If…Then Warning

Use an, “if…then,” statement to warn your child what will happen if the behavior doesn’t change. Say, “If you don’t stop interrupting when I’m on the phone then you’ll need to go to your room.”

This gives your child an opportunity to change his behavior around. Just make sure you're fully prepared to follow through with a negative consequence if he doesn't comply.

4. Provide a Negative Consequence

Moderate or serious disrespectful behavior requires an immediate negative consequence. If your teen walks out the door after you’ve told him he can’t leave, take away his privileges.

Time-out can be an effective negative consequence for young children. Logical consequences can be an effective for older children and teens.

5. Restitution

If your child or teen behaves disrespectful manner, restitution may be necessary to discourage it from happening again. If he hits his brother, make him do his brother's chores. Or, if your teen breaks something out of anger, make him fix it or pay to get it fixed.

Teach your child that saying, “I’m sorry,” doesn’t always fix things. Restitution will help him take responsibility for his disrespectful behavior while also working to repair the relationship.


You will also like to see:

1.  Whining

2.    Lying

3.   Confident social behavior (DO or Don`ts)

4.    Defiance And Non Compliance

5.    Child Developement

6.    Baby Psychology Tips

Defiance And Non Compliance

There are some behavior problems that almost every child exhibits at one time or another. Matching those behaviors to the best discipline strategies can resolve these behaviors before they become even bigger problems.

Defiance

It’s frustrating when a child refuses to follow directions, especially when he outright says “No!” when you tell him to do something. However, it’s normal for kids to test limits at one time or another. Sometimes defiance stems from a child testing your reaction, while other defiant behaviors may signal a child’s attempts to assert his independence. Preschoolers and tweens are especially likely to behave defiantly.

It's like that at one point or another, every child has looked at his parents and said, "No!" when he's been told to do something. And at certain points throughout your child's development, non-compliance can be appropriate.

When your child tests limits or asserts himself, he's trying to be more independent. And while budding independence is healthy, an outright refusal to listen isn't. 

The way you respond to a child’s defiance can either increase or decrease the likelihood that he’ll behave defiantly the next time you tell him to do something.

Whether your child says, "You can't make me!” when you tell him to pick up his toys, or he simply pretends he can't hear you when you tell him it's time to come inside, take action that will motivate him to start listening better.

1. Give Daily Doses of Positive Attention

Sometimes, children misbehave in an attempt to gain a parent’s attention, even if it is negative attention. Providing a child with just a few minutes of individual attention each day can often reduce non-compliance.

2. Praise Compliant Behavior

It’s important to offer praise when you catch your child being good. Provide your child with extra opportunities to comply with simple requests for the sole purpose of being able to offer him praise.

For example, at the dinner table, ask, “Please hand me a napkin,” and as soon as he does praise him by saying, “Thanks for handing me that napkin right when I asked you to.” This will begin sending the message that you appreciate compliance.

3. Give Effective Instructions

Make sure the defiant behavior you’re witnessing is actually defiance. For example, if you yell from the kitchen to tell your child to come to the dinner table, he might not have heard you. Give effective instructions by establishing eye contact and ensuring your child understands the directions.

Sometimes children are too tuned into the TV or the activity they’re participating in to really absorb what you’re saying. Eliminate any distractions before giving them instructions. This is especially important with children who have ADHD(

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder )

.

4. Offer Choices

One of the best ways to combat defiant behavior is to offer two choices. For example, ask a child, “Do you want to wear the red boots or the brown shoes?” By offering a choice, defiant children get a little bit of control they crave. Just make sure you can live with either choice.

5. Grandma’s Rule of Discipline

Grandma’s rule of discipline can be one of the best ways to encourage compliance. Give your child an incentive to follow directions by saying something such as, “Pick up the toys first, then you can go play outside.” Don’t nag or ask repeatedly but instead, leave it up to your child to do what you’ve said.

6. Create a Reward System

Reward systems encourage more compliant behavior. Token economy systems can be very effective with children who tend to be defiant.

They often respond well to positive reinforcement for their good behavior.

7. Behavior Contracts

Behavior contracts remind children that they can earn more privileges once they show they can behave responsibly. Set up a behavior contract that will help your child show you when he’s ready for more privileges. For example, agree to allow him to stay up 15 minutes later after he can go to bed on time for one week without arguing.

8. Avoid Power Struggles

Avoid getting into a power struggle with a child who is non-compliant. It will only make the defiance worse. Instead, use a warning such as an if…then statement to turn the behavior around. Offer one warning only and follow through with consequences when necessary.

9. Logical Consequences

Each instance of non-compliance should be addressed with a negative consequence. Time-out, or a logical consequence, such as a loss of privileges, can be effective ways to discourage defiance. Consistent discipline is the key to reducing defiant behavior.

10. Seek Professional Help

Although extreme defiance can signal a more serious problem, such as oppositional defiant disorder, occasional defiance and non-compliance are normal child behavior problems. If you are concerned that your child may have a more serious problem, or if your discipline strategies aren’t working, talk to your child's pediatrician.

You will also like to see:

1.  Disrespectful Behavior

2.    Lying

3.   Confident social behavior (DO or Don`ts)

4.    whining

5.    Child Developement


6.    Baby Psychology Tips

• ARTICLE

Baby Care :Discipline Mistakes Parents Make

You know the drill: You give your child an ultimatum -- "Get dressed or we're staying home!" -- and naturally she says, "Okay, we'll stay home!" Might as well plant a big "L" on your forehead. We all see our discipline efforts backfire on occasion (hey, you're tired!), and of course there are those battles just not worth fighting (no kid ever flunked preschool because his teeth were furry). But you do need to prove you're the parent at least some of the time. Learning to avoid these discipline land mines can help you hop to it.

Way to Blow It #1: Tell a Big Ole Lie

"My two-year-old daughter, Chloe, fights me about going to her babysitter's house every Monday," says New Jersey mom Gina Kane. One morning when Chloe refused to get out of the car, "I pointed to the house next door and told her it was a daycare center run by the caveman from the Geico commercials, which really scare her," says Kane. "I said she had a choice: Go to the sitter's house or to the caveman's daycare." Mission accomplished -- Chloe dashed to the sitter's door. Fast-forward a week: The babysitter casually asked Kane if she knew of a daycare center in the neighborhood because her daughter couldn't stop talking about it. "I was mortified having to explain, and Chloe now thinks that all daycare centers are run by cavemen," Kane admits. "I'm in big trouble if I ever actually have to send her to daycare."

A Better Way: Little white lies are so tempting in a pinch. You might even get away with them sometimes. Another mom had a great run while her toddler was afraid of a local clown named Macaroni. Whenever he refused to cooperate, she'd just say, "Maybe we should get Macaroni!" and the little guy would immediately don his pj's or gobble his carrots. But as Kane found out, scare tactics can and do come back to bite you in the butt, so it's best to be honest, says Bonnie Maslin, author of Picking Your Battles. Kane could have said instead, "I know sometimes you don't want to go to your babysitter. Sometimes I don't want to go to work." Empathizing would have made the Monday-morning transition easier.

Way to Blow It #2: Back Down

You want a surefire way to make sure your kids never listen to you? Threaten but don't act. My daughter Ella and I recently went for a playdate at a friend's house, where the little girl kept snatching away whatever toy Ella picked up. Her mom would say, "Give that back to Ella or I'll take it away," and then turn back to our conversation. Of course, as soon as Ella moved on to another toy, the little girl wanted that one.

A Better Way: It's no fun to be the bad guy, but if a child acts out, there has to be a consequence. "Repeatedly saying 'If you don't stop throwing sand, I'm going to make you leave the sandbox' won't stop the bad behavior," says Bridget Barnes, coauthor of Common Sense Parenting for Toddlers and Preschoolers. "What your child hears is 'I can keep doing this a few more times before Mom makes me stop.'"

Instead, give a warning, and then, if your child does it again, give an immediate consequence such as a time-out. If he continues, leave. The next time, a gentle reminder should do the trick: "Remember how we had to leave when you threw the sand? I hope we don't have to go home early again today."

 Way to Blow It #3: Dis Dad (or Vice Versa)

When Polly Lugosi and her husband, Jim, take their two kids, Zoe, 5, and Miles, 2, out for a treat, this Milwaukie, OR, couple tells them that they have to behave or they won't get it. "Unfortunately, my husband is a complete pushover and always gives them the treat even if they act up," says Polly.

A Better Way: Even though Jim doesn't mean to undermine Polly's efforts, that's exactly what he's doing. Showing a united front won't just help your child behave better, it'll also prevent you from feeling like the bad guy all the time. "If you and your husband prefer to use different punishments, that's okay -- just as long as there are consequences for the same actions," says Nancy Schulman, coauthor of Practical Wisdom for Parents: Demystifying the Preschool Years. When your child is out of earshot, create a list of rules and discuss different options, she says.

Way to Blow It #4: Bribe a Little Too Often

"My two-year-old daughter, Isabelle, has never been a great eater," says Liz Samuel, a mom in Montclair, NJ. "So I once offered her a piece of chocolate if she would just finish her lunch." The reward worked perfectly: Isabelle ate her chicken and sweet-potato fries -- but then she demanded another treat at dinnertime. "Now, whenever I want her to eat, she asks for either chocolate or a lollipop," complains the mom. "Plus, she'll eat just one fry and then expect her treat."

A Better Way: We all need to keep a good bribe up our sleeves -- to get through the grocery store, a church service, or that new episode of Mad Men you had to TiVo because you were too whipped to stay up for it. But the experts insist that reinforcing good behavior is a better way to go. "So instead of saying 'If you're good at Grandma's today, I'll buy you a toy,' try 'I'm really proud of you for sitting so nicely during dinner at Grandma's,'" advises Maslin. And don't underestimate the power of disappointment. "Saying 'I'm really sad you broke the present Daddy gave me' makes a child feel appropriately bad about his behavior," says Maslin. "You may feel like a terrible parent in the moment, but you're actually helping your child develop a conscience."

Way to Blow It #5: Break Your Own Rules

When Anne Wear's 2-year-old son, Brandon, would do things he shouldn't -- take his mom's car keys or pull books off the shelf, for example -- this High Point, NC, mom would slap his hand and say "No, sir!" in a harsh tone of voice. "It worked great," she says, "until his preschool teacher caught him slapping the hands of any child who took his toy or cut in front of him in line!" Wear quickly realized that she couldn't say it was wrong for Brandon to smack his friends' hands when she and her husband, Brian, were doing the same thing to him. "We switched to time-outs," says Wear.

A Better Way: Not only are kids little mimics, emulating your bad behaviors, but they'll call you on it, as Suzi Dougherty found out. Her 2-year-old, Will, knows that throwing toys in the house is a definite no-no. "But one day my husband, Chris, threw a dog toy into the next room, just to get it out from underfoot," says this Newburgh, NY, mom. "Will immediately ordered him into a time-out! Since then, we try to be more careful and follow our own rules," she says. "But on the plus side, at least it showed us that the 'no throwing toys' rule is starting to sink in!"

Way to Blow It #6: Lose It

Taking care of an active toddler requires a lot of patience. But there are times when Gabrielle Howe of Staten Island, NY, finds herself at the end of her rope when dealing with 2-year-old Thea. "One particularly trying day I completely lost it and yelled at Thea," admits this working mom. "She then tried to send me to my room!"

A Better Way: Time-outs aren't just for kids -- they work great for adults, too. "Give yourself permission to walk away," says Schulman. "Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then you'll be much more effective when disciplining your child." Walk into another room if you need to, as long as your child is safe in his crib or a childproofed room. "If you can't leave your child alone, then you should both go into another room," she adds. "Often a change of scenery will help you both cool off." If your husband or a friend is around, just say "I need a break, can you handle this one?" suggests Schulman. And remember that kids are expert at pushing your buttons, but if you can avoid letting the situation escalate by giving one warning and then an immediate consequence, it may help keep you both calm.

Way to Blow It #7: Wait Too Long

Recently I was stuck in traffic with my 2-year-old daughter, Ella, when she started getting fidgety and tried to wiggle out of her car seat. Frustrated by both the slow trip home and the endless rounds of "Row, row, row your boat," I told her that if she didn't put her buckle back on correctly, she wouldn't get to have a bedtime story that night -- a technique that works great when my daughter's procrastinating about getting into her pajamas or brushing her teeth before bed. This time, though, bedtime was hours away -- and the threat pretty much meaningless. Ella didn't stop playing with her seat buckle, and it seemed pointless to remind her about it hours later when she was getting ready for bed.

A Better Way: "Kids don't remember what they did wrong an hour after the fact, never mind the next day," says Barnes. "You want to show them the consequences of their actions as close to the bad behavior as possible." If your child hits a friend with a toy truck, don't cancel tomorrow's playdate -- just take away the truck.

Way to Blow It #8: Talk On... and On... and On

My husband, Patrick, tends to launch into long explanations with Ella, like how going to sleep is a good idea because she'll feel well rested for our upcoming busy day at Grandma's house. Tempting as it can be to try and reason with a young child, you might as well be speaking gibberish.

A Better Way: "Kids are not mini-adults," says Barnes. "Long explanations or instructions go right over their heads." Saying "No cookies before dinner" is enough to get the point across; you can skip the lecture about how sweets will spoil a tiny appetite. Keep your words age-appropriate, too. "I had one parent who was tired of always telling his son to stop whining," says Barnes. "Then one day his child finally asked, 'What's whining?'" It's okay to use a term like whining as long as you explain what you mean: "I can't understand you when you whine. Please use your big-boy voice."

Getting Back on Track

You gave a warning, then caved in. Or you yelled at your kid- for yelling at you. Below, how to fix your own bad behavior, from Nancy Schulman, coauthor ofPractical Wisdom for Parents.

Get Over It "We all make mistakes," says Schulman. "Don't beat yourself up. Just say 'I know I said -- or did -- something I shouldn't have. Let's try to all follow these rules from now on.'"
Take it Slow Even if you feel like your discipline techniques need to be completely overhauled, pick two of your top issues and start there. Don't overwhelm your child with 20 new rules. "Sit down when he's calm and go over the rules so he knows what's expected of him," says Schulman.
Work Around It Let's say your child always has a tantrum over what to eat for breakfast. Rather than duke it out each morning, offer your child just two choices -- say, cereal or eggs -- so he can still feel in control.
Give it Time "It takes time to undo a pattern of bad behavior," notes Schulman. "If you start being consistent, they'll catch on. It may take ten or twenty times, but they'll get it."